The Politics of Fear

Scenario #1-

Teachers announce to a class of first graders they can use the boys or girls bathrooms. Cheers erupt. The boys rush into the girls bathroom. A few girls go in the boys bathroom. Taunting ensues. Chaos. Kids pulling out their genitals. Parents are called. Parents raise hell. Parents protest school rules.

Scenario #2- 

The school board, principals and teachers go over the new rules. They alert parents to the changes. The one transgender child who was transitioning into a boy at 5 still uses the boys bathroom as he was approved to do years ago. No one is discriminated against. Bathrooms are used as they normally are. 
Which scenario will happen do you think? Which scenario is being fed to you on news or social media?

The FEAR that is ensuing all over. That boys will ambush girls bathrooms. The fear. The unfounded fear. It seems the only people going into others bathrooms are the ones trying to prove a point they can go into any bathroom. Why? To show some muscle? To instill fear into moms and dads? Those peeping toms have been peeping since there were windows, bathroom stalls, outhouses, and woods. Those rapists, those child molesters are next door. In your family. In your neighborhood. In your church. In your school. 

Stop vilifying transgender people. Stop vilifying gays who dress masculine or feminine. We are all God’s children. Made with the same hands. Made to walk this earth the same as you and me with a heart and soul. Tender hearts whose suicide rate among youth is one of the highest. 

To me this is about equality. To me this is about humans not being discriminated against. An equal right to stand in dignity. So if that transgender identifies as a woman she has a right to go into the woman’s bathroom where she feels comfortable. Not a man’s bathroom where the males most likely will taunt her. 

The fear-mongering amongst certain groups is so disheartening. It’s so unfounded. So think about it. Don’t let the fear of something unknown or uncomfortable create justification for hate. 


The benefits and disadvantages of social media.

I have several news outlets on my FB page to keep me up with the times. I feel lost if I don’t know what is going on with the world. When all those images of the refugees or as the internet is calling them ‘migrants’ started appearing I just kept hitting ‘hide’.  Myself, having 3 kids of various ages, it was just too hard to see those images. I tore me apart and took me places I didn’t want to go. That is PART of why those images were being shown though, right? To wake up the soul? To bring us out of our daily mundane existance? To make us realize that there are mamas out there who lost all their children trying to run from their home to make a life that was just–livable. Livable. This topic is so hard to understand and for us empaths creates a lot pain and heartache to bear. This poem seemed to put the whole refugee topic into perspective. Or as Glennon Doyle says– I put my perspectables on.

by Warsan Shire
no one leaves home unless
home is the mouth of a shark
you only run for the border
when you see the whole city running as well
your neighbors running faster than you
breath bloody in their throats
the boy you went to school with
who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory
is holding a gun bigger than his body
you only leave home
when home won’t let you stay.
no one leaves home unless home chases you
fire under feet
hot blood in your belly
it’s not something you ever thought of doing
until the blade burnt threats into
your neck
and even then you carried the anthem under
your breath
only tearing up your passport in an airport toilets
sobbing as each mouthful of paper
made it clear that you wouldn’t be going back.
you have to understand,
that no one puts their children in a boat
unless the water is safer than the land
no one burns their palms
under trains
beneath carriages
no one spends days and nights in the stomach of a truck
feeding on newspaper unless the miles travelled
means something more than journey.
no one crawls under fences
no one wants to be beaten
no one chooses refugee camps
or strip searches where your
body is left aching
or prison,
because prison is safer
than a city of fire
and one prison guard
in the night
is better than a truckload
of men who look like your father
no one could take it
no one could stomach it
no one skin would be tough enough
go home blacks
dirty immigrants
asylum seekers
sucking our country dry
niggers with their hands out
they smell strange
messed up their country and now they want
to mess ours up
how do the words
the dirty looks
roll off your backs
maybe because the blow is softer
than a limb torn off
or the words are more tender
than fourteen men between
your legs
or the insults are easier
to swallow
than rubble
than bone
than your child body
in pieces.
i want to go home,
but home is the mouth of a shark
home is the barrel of the gun
and no one would leave home
unless home chased you to the shore
unless home told you
to quicken your legs
leave your clothes behind
crawl through the desert
wade through the oceans
be hunger
forget pride
your survival is more important
no one leaves home until home is a sweaty voice in your ear
run away from me now
i dont know what i’ve become
but i know that anywhere
is safer than here

This poem is found here:

Here are some links to help:

Rebel Flag

Over the course of the last week what I have always considered a flag of the South, of our heritage, of Southern Pride, of innocent Rebellion has taken me on quite a path of discovery and awakening. To me it had nothing to do with anything other than proud of being from the South.  I came across this article from The Alantic that expained it very well. Please read it. It covers a lot that I pondered over and questioned and had a hard time understanding. Especially the social aspect of the flag in different forms of media. 

This from NPR sums up a quick history. 

‘In December 1860, South Carolina was the first state to secede from the Union just months after Abraham Lincoln, from the anti-slavery Republican Party, was elected president. In April 1861, the first shots of the Civil War were fired at Fort Sumter, S.C.

Ten other states would eventually follow South Carolina in secession, forming the Confederate States of America. However, of the three flags the Confederacy would go on to adopt, none are the Confederate flag that is traditionally recognized today. The “Stars and Bars” flag, currently the subject of controversy, was actually the battle flag of Gen. Robert E. Lee’s Army of Northern Virginia.

After the war ended, the symbol became a source of Southern pride and heritage, as well as a remembrance of Confederate soldiers who died in battle. But as racism and segregation gripped the nation in the century following, it became a divisive and violent emblem of the Ku Klux Klan and white supremacist groups. It was also the symbol of the States’ Rights Democratic Party, or “Dixiecrats,” that formed in 1948 to oppose civil-rights platforms of the Democratic Party. Then-South Carolina Gov. Strom Thurmond was the splinter group’s nominee for president that same year; he won 39 electoral votes.

Now, the flag is a frequent emblem of modern white supremacist groups. The alleged Charleston shooter, Dylann Storm Roof, was photographed holding the Confederate flag in images on his website. Not all southerners, who believe the flag should be flown, however, see it as a racist symbol. They see it, instead, as a symbol of southern pride or as a way to remember ancestors who fought in the Civil War.’

What I have learned hurts me greatly.  What I thought was an symbol of Southern heritage was taken and turned into an emblem of white supremacisim. That I now understand. And I understand why it should be removed. 

As parents….

I believe our generation has a huge responsibility to our children. Teach them to love, not to hate. Teach them to keep an open heart and an open mind. Teach them not to judge others because of the color of their skin or who they choose to love or who they choose to worship—that judging its not ours to do. Teach them that amidst all the terrifying happenings of this world there will always be those that offer love, hope, and light in times of darkness. Teach them they have their own voice, their own opinions. And if they may differ from what you believe be proud they have stood up for something they so strongly believe in. Teach them kindness and grace. Teach them well by example. 

Let’s bash Gwyneth!

All these mom bloggers bashing Gwyneth Paltrow has gotten so flipping old.  Every time she does something it’s game for new material because you guys don’t have any. You don’t like GOOP, dont read it!! I myself love GOOP with the exception the fashion. Because #1 to pay $500 for a shirt makes me want to throw up. All the money I have goes to my kids clothes. So I am lucky to get at $30 pair of jeans once a year. Anywoo- I bypass the fashion part because that is unattainable to me. But her recipes are great. I just made a very simple carrot soup since we have all been sick with a stomach virus. It’s been feeding us for days. There have been so many great pieces on self-help type stuff I can’t list them all. All the contribtors are excellent. From mental health, PPD, food, food allergies/sensitivities, the food industry, marriage/divorce, religion/spirituality, the list goes on and on.

So just stop. Stop personally bashing Gwyneth. It’s immature and lame. Not to mention it is cyberbullying from a bunch of women who are supposed to support one another.


Me First!!!!


What does this picture and quote say to you?

To many it may say -I am strong, I will get it together. I will keep moving forward.

To me it says-

I will mask my sadness, my anger, my feelings.
I will hide behind a facade of perfection.
I will look attractive to please you.
I will self medicate.
I will keep this relationship together if it kills me.
I will serve my mate even if he is abusive.
I will put my life on the back burner to satisfy others.
I will put myself second to everyone.

Because last night I realized why I never had clean panties!! I wash everyones clothes but my own first! I put their needs above mine.

I think as wives, as daughters, as mothers, as caretakers, this by far is our biggest and greatest challenge–to put our needs first.

Cast and Crew

Mind you I don’t wear yoga pants. My daughter does. She covers her ass which is a good thing since she inherited mine. Some don’t cover theirs. One day they will see a picture of their ass and realize that tshirt should have been longer. I digress. This is about the whole Christian I shall cover my body with non revealing clothing or I shall put other men into the pits of hell with their longing for my ass and other nonmentionables. Most men and women have weaknesses. They are butt or boob men. Some women seriously look at a mans crotch to try to gage how he measures up. One blog post I read the woman had a serious problem with suits. Me. Tom Hardy is MY weakness. Did you see how I capitalized that MY? That is showing possession of Tom Hardy. And mens eyes have always always been a problem for me. I am not sure if I see some edgeiness, some hurt, some serious psychological problems, some addiction issues, some bad boyness, some impulsiveness, some really good sex or what. But it’s there and I like it. I need it. So all I need to have thoughts I shouldn’t since I am married is HIS FACE. HIS EYES. HIS LIPS. Ok, I’ll admit I could do with a bit of a tattoo playing peek-a-boo too.






My friend Peg

Everytime I go to Target they usually have those cute little buckets in the dollar spot section. So I grab one or two. Well I have ended up with more than I can figure out how to  contain properly. So after much consideration I decided we needed a pegboard above the kids drawing/craft table.  All the tutorials had you nailing into the walls. It looked complicated. I don’t like complicated. So I thought glue, velcro wall sticky things–that should do it!

So with much further ado

#1 buy pegboard- cut it yourself or get your hardware store to cut it. I bought mine at Lowes and had them cut it.

#2 Buy these flat wood boards- Have them cut to size-I also bought these at Lowes. You get the idea, right?

#3 Wood glue

#4 Command wall hanging strips. I used 4. Depending on the size of the pegboard you many use more.



Glue on back of pegboard.


Wood attached, command strips on


My arrow. I have the hardest time with arrows! Not perfect but it will do.

IMG_0452 2

Painted, hung, and a couple of buckets up!


The Target Angel

Me and the monkeys (the monkeys and I) went to the new Whole Foods, Target, and Home Depot the other day. It’s about an hours drive away. First mistake: eat a good breakfast before going multi-store shopping with your kids. We hit Home Depot first then Target. Of course no one wanted to stay in the buggy. An owl neck would have come in handy. That way I wouldn’t constantly be turning in circles to see where the other one went thinking in that split second I’ve lost one. I know how it feels to get lost. I lost my mom in TJ&Y once. Not fun.

So, by the time I was done I had more stuff than I meant to get. Who doesn’t when they go to Target? I must have looked very stressed by the time I got to checkout. The woman asked how I was doing today. Normal. Then she asked me how I felt. No so normal. I told her I had a bit of a headache, that I hadn’t eaten yet and was tired. Then she asked if I took vitamins. Then told me to eat plenty of green vegetables and drink a lot of water. She asked if I slept. She asked what was bothering me. Well, I thought. I was honest. Finances, marriage, kids, life. She told me to give it to the Lord. Just give it to the Lord. She asked if my husband had a job. Yes, I said. Do you have a roof over your head?  Yes, I said. Everyone healthy? Yes, I said.  She said, Give it to the Lord. You’ll be ok. Read Psalm 23.

I was almost in tears by the time I walked off. You never know when you are going run into a person who is kind and caring beyond belief to a perfect stranger. She only told me a bit about herself- that her second job was causing her so much stress. That she couldn’t sleep.

I said a prayer as soon as I left for her. You never know where or when God is going to speak to you.